He felt like he had failed her in the worst possible way. “I’m sorry….Y/N.” His voice broke through his tears. His tears wetting her shirt as she cradled his head against her. He buried his head into her chest and began to sob silently. Her calm acceptance of what would never be. Y/N’s arms went around him as she pulled him to her. He felt himself being pulled back onto the bed. But this, being totally sterile slammed the door on any options they had except for a sperm donor or adoption. In-vitro fertilization was expensive, but he would have gladly masturbated into a cup again if it would give Y/N the kids she wanted. If it had been an issue of slow motility, or low sperm count, there were ways that they still could have conceived. Growing up the foster system, he had known how NOT to be a parent, but he wanted to give his children everything he never had and always wished for. Dreamed of coming home from work and throwing the football with his son in the backyard, or sitting down with his daughter to have a tea party. Since the day he had decided he wanted to marry Y/N, he had dreamed of having kids with her. He sat there, his face impassive but his heart breaking. No words were spoken as he started the car and navigated though the streets towards their house, his fingers gripping the steering wheel so tight his knuckles were turning white. The passenger door opens and Y/N slips in beside him. Reaching the car, he gets behind the wheel and take a deep breath. Even with the warm temperature of the air, he was cold. Pushing through the doors of the discreetly posh fertility clinic, Levi felt a wave of grief was over him as the sun hit his body. As he walked through the door, he heard Y/N making their apologies to the doctor. He stood abruptly and walked out of the room. They had decided to get a vasectomy, not have some shitty fuck up in their blood make them incapable of ever fathering a child. He knew plenty of men who couldn’t have children. Combined with the semen sample you provided, it indicates the infertility issues that you and your wife have been experiencing is permanent, I’m afraid.” The doctor looked sympathetically at him. There is a genetic defect was that detected in your blood work. Ackerman? You understand what I just said?” Y/N clutched his hand as the doctor looked up from his report. Reaching down and grasping himself, he closed his eyes and let his imagine aid in his embarrassing task. Sliding his underwear down his thighs, he opened the container and applied the tube of lubricant to his hand. He sighed and began to unbutton his trousers. No posters or magazines to assist in stimulation. We won’t come in until the light above the door is on.” The nurse motioned for him to enter the room and pulled the door closed behind him. When your done, screw the lid back on the specimen jar and please wash your hands before pressing the button. He felt his neck flush as he walked along the hallway and the nurse stopped to pick up a container and a small tube. “Levi Ackerman” The nurse at the open door called his name and every eye turned to watch him get up and slink to her. She wouldn’t have been allowed back in the room anyway. But he had insisted that he hadn’t wanted her to come and sit in the waiting room. Furtively glancing around the room, he wished he had let Y/N come with him. So that's what the snap is from on a fitting grave.Levi sat awkwardly in the waiting room, waiting for his name to be called. When I opened my laptop, I could see my old blog in its final hour lmao (I found out about the loss on my phone).So yes, I cancel the swiftscribbles event too, sorry! I will finish Tickletober on AO3 and then take a break from writing. I won't be using words like 'never' or 'forever' because I'm a known clown with things like this, but the intention is to no longer post fics. Not planning to post new writing here.Needed a moment to consider 2 options: ask Mia to extend my dramatic farewell letter and stay gone, or make a new blog.I won't get it back, or try to get it back.Green got me in unlucky trouble (ref 1, 2). My tumblr account got terminated for copyright infringement.And today was a busy day and I needed some time to consider what I wanted to do. Hi guys :') To my followers and tumblr friends, I'm really sorry if my sudden disappearance scared or upset you.
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